Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Zorro Was Here


My slaves call me Zorro the cat, my real name is King Majesty on Highest.  I've hacked into my head slave's blog to tell you the real story before she has the chance to slander my good name.

I was living the high life in my kingdom, when my former slave became ill and wasn't able to meet the expectations I laid out for her at the beginning of her serfdom.  Due to her incapacitation, I allowed her to transfer me from of the stifling heat of my castle into the cool breezes of the outer world.

I decided quickly this new living arrangement suited me nicely.  I hunted wild game.  I slept in the trees and boldly scared off screeching winged monsters.  My slave continued her feeding obligation;  when I grew tired of hunting, a nice bowl of ready-made nourishment waited on my terrace for my enjoyment.

My love for this new life became tainted when a bath was poured on top of me from the sky and there was no hiding place, or soft dryness, ready for me at its end.  Lucky for my slave, a new applicant came along about the time I had grown weary of the excitement.

The hu-woman happily accepted the opportunity to have me in her midst.  She showed me around a new castle.  Liking what I saw, I agreed to allow her to serve me.  I explained the terms of her employment:
  • she would pet me, with both hands, at every moment other than the times she worked to prepare my meals, or clean my toilet; 
  • my food would be delivered at my calling, and available to me at every moment; 
  • I would sleep on the largest bed in my room (aptly named the "master bedroom"), and would graciously allow her to keep me warm by sleeping next to me.
Finally, I had the life I was meant to lead.  My new slave loved me (almost) as much as I demanded, although she could not seem to understand sitting on her bathroom throne did not absolve her of the requirement to pet me at my will.  Still, I rewarded her with my presence, and would purr my appreciation for her servitude.   When her memory of her obligations would lapse, I meowed my demands loudly, lest she made a habit of the forgetfulness.

One day my slave introduced me to a hu-man.  She explained to me she wanted to share the few minutes a day she had that were not devoted to my pampering with this  At first I wasn't sure this new arrangement would work, until he demonstrated both his willingness to bow to my greatness, and his allegiance to me, with catnip.  I accepted his loyalty and made sure the hu-man understood the terms of his co-employment with my slave hu-woman.

They brought me to a new castle, one I loved because of the great expances of space and large windows overlooking my new kingdom full of winged monsters who were there merely for my pleasure and amusement (as I'm sure they understood).

And slaves committed high treason.  They brought a canine creature into my castle without my preapproval.  Sure, they attempted to explain that, much like the aviary outside my windows, his presence was merely for my personal satisfaction...but I withheld my approval.  I watched and observed.  This animal was forced to live in a cage while my hu-woman and hu-man were out gathering my food.  He was forced to ask to go into the outer world to use the bathroom, even when the ice blanket covered the ground.  I, on the other hand, continued to have the run of the castle, and maintained my clean personal bathroom, which was available to me without slave notification.

The day I agreed to allow the canine jester to continue living in my castle, I made a grand display of my dominance by pouncing on him as he rested quietly on the slave seating area.  He accepted his place in my home and acknowledged my superiority with a yelp of subservience.

One day my slaves took me to a medicine man who had the nerve to say I was overfed.  He convinced them to feed me according to his directions rather than the terms of their employment.  I protested, loudly and I attempted to gather my own food every opportunity I could.   My pleas for justice went unanswered.

About the same time, the jester began to believe the slaves were the masters of the castle, instead of recognizing my status as the alpha.  He began to listen to them and even ((gasp...)) obey their commands for his obedience to them.  Couldn't he see my obvious superiority? 

These acts were nothing short of MY castle.

The other night I made the decision I would no longer allow my slaves, or my jester, to display this wanton behavior toward me.  I fled the confines of my castle.  I've been roaming my kingdom for two days now.  What a glorious feeling to know I have the world under my feet again.  My slaves have attempted to lure me back, and have continued in their feeding duties (leaving my food by the front door).  I want them to understand the seriousness of the offenses they have committed against me, therefore I made a personal pact not to return until they are willing to once again bow at my feet and give me everything in life I deserve.

This freedom I'm enjoying is exactly what I was looking for when I left.  Once again I'm able to hunt wild game, sleep under the stars, and feel the earth under my feet.  I even languished under a sky-bath yesterday.  Yes-sir-ee.  I love the joys of living off my land.  When my slaves realize how wrong they have been, and I believe they can agree to serve me in the manner I deserve, I'll return and allow them to beg me for forgiveness.  Until then I'm going to make them suffer without me.

In the mean time, if you happen to see me, feel free to give hand-outs.  While you're at it, you have my permission to apply to be my new slave.  I'll let you know if the quality and quantity of your worship suits my fancy.

Zorro the cat......OH, I mean King Majesty on Highest.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Zorro! Imagine how worried your slaves are without you! HOW will they survive without you to lord over them? They're probably in a COMPLETE state of disarray, not to mention what the CANINE must be into!! You should, yea MUST, make a beeline back to your kingdom! Your subjects need you!!