Friday, April 23, 2010

Dear Hag In My Head...

Dearest Hag in My Head,

I appreciate all that you've done for me in the past.   You've kept me from making a fool of myself (most of the time).  You've kept me from taking unnecessary risks.  You've kept me safe.  Thank you for your faithful service.  Unfortunately, with the economy and all, through no fault of your own, your services are no longer needed.  I'm going to have to let you go.

Rest assured, it has nothing to do with the fact you're keeping me in constant fear.  It has nothing to do with the fact you've grown overprotective and controlling.  It has nothing to do with the fact you berate and belittle me every chance you get.  It has nothing to do with the fact you've never learned the difference between encouragement and badgering.  It has nothing to do with the fact you're an angry, sad, pathetic, nagging, hateful, screeching hag of a voice in my head that makes me want to vomit.  It's simply a matter of cost effectiveness.  The price I'm paying keeping you around is more than I care to afford any longer.

See, the truth is, you've cost me more than I am willing to pay.  You've cost me friendships.  You've cost me jobs.  You've cost me love (although without you guiding controlling me I have found it, despite you, at last).  You've cost me precious time.  You've cost me happiness and laughter.  Because of you I've doubted my abilities, I've doubted my personality, I've doubted my value as a mother, as a wife, as a woman, as a runner, as a human being.

I have found another voice who will pay me to fill my head with positive proclamations of my value and worth.  That voice longs to encourage, longs to give hope, longs to much so it will enable me to go further (and eventually faster) in runs than I YOU ever thought I could, be happier in life (even in trying circumstances), be satisfied and content, be relaxed, be confident...all with a smile on my face.  With this other voice in my head (your replacement), I will naturally draw other positive people closer to me.  I will be vulnerable, in spite of your life-long, relentless, warnings that to be so would inevitably cause me heartache.  You lied when you said if I let people see the real me they would only hurt me.  This new voice as assured me being vulnerable is exactly what will allow me to be filled to overflowing with love-for, and from, other people.

I will be filled with joy and move forward in life with reckless and the new voice in my head that has taken your place.  There are likely some people in Hell from whom you could seek gainful employment....although, I have a feeling that's exactly where you came from in the first place.

Have a, or MAKE IT A, great day!!!


  1. Dear Hag in Dana's head:

    I SECOND that! And if you ever, EVER try to mess with this sweet girl again, you will have me and a whole ARMY of people who cherish her to deal with. Trust me, you don't want that.

    Now, be gone. You no longer have any power here...

  2. I could have written this post. Well done Dana!!!

  3. I think all women can appreciate this letter -- we all have a little hag in our head! Great post, Dana!

  4. Brilliant! You go girl!

    And old hag in Dana's head.... I'm with the naked man - hang around and you'll have serious trouble!!